Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
