I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
