do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
