Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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