I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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