I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
