Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
