You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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