he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
