Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
