Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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