bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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