I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
