my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
