He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
