new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
