Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
