If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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