the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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