I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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