We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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