when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
