i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
