think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
