i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
