i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
