What tipped you off? The sombrero?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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