This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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