Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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