So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
