420 ftw
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Girls should come with a carfax report
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
