What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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