We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
