Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
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I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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