you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
