And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
