News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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