I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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