a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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