I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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