My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
pop tarts are not kleenex
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
