just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Duck Duck Cougar?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
