either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize