I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
