so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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