Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
