Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize