i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
How external is "for external use only"?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
