Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
