how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
