Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
