The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
