dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
