it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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