also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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