matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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