Me too!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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