she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
