So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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