i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
