My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
