i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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