I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
should my penis look like a turkey
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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