How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
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Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
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Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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