So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
This house was built for laser tag.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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