I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
