You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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