maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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