Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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