so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
