What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
