I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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