i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
