Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
